Back from the break...(Etude)

Etude has been having thriving spurts since Vivace first left the house in May of 2011 (yes, it has almost been a year!), he will move forward in one or two areas rapidly then maintain steady for a while, then a dip of behaviors or displays of inability before swinging back up into thriving again. It is a roller coaster that we ride blindly, never seeing the curves and dips coming. It requires an entirely different set of parenting skills then we need for the girls or Vivace and often leaves us challenged and at a loss.

In October of 2011, there was what seemed to be a small, one time incident at the school that did shock us, but at first presented itself as fixable. We believed in his main core of staff as a team, and were completely devastated when that fell apart. What at first seemed to be a one time, bad decision by 1 or 2 people began to unfold over weeks and months and has proven to be a very unsafe place for Etude to learn and grow and completely counterproductive for attachment. The safety plans put in place were not strong enough for people uneducated about RAD, trauma, PTSD and older child adoption to service our son appropriately. As meetings were held, friendships were strained (and eventually broken), ethics were questioned, parenting skills were criticized and professional egos were damaged. There was no safe, healthy, educated(in RAD/PTSD/trauma/adoption) placement for him here locally. 3 days and 20 plus hours total was the IEP (with a facilitator) that finally came to a close just a few weeks ago. What once were brainstorming, open minded IEPs became formal, judgmental, defensive, and very legally defined IEPs.
The last day of the IEP was like something from a Lifetime movie...we, the IEP team of approx 12+ people,  were being asked a question that would totally impact Etude's future, professional egos prevented some from speaking truth, fear of administrative backlash held back others, ignorance danced across others, yet the majority of the people in that room-knew in their heart of hearts, their deep gut, their parental intuition that what happened to Etude was completely unacceptable and possibly unavoidable from happening again-depending on administrative action or lack of. I roll of the dice some where willing to take, others were not. A few brave souls were extremely dedicated to Etude's well being and stepped out on a limb for Etude's future. Before their peers, their administration, and even the primary "accused," they were brave for Etude! After months of feeling like I was dealing with soulless, heartless people(not specifically the IEP team, but there is some overlap), I almost wept when the first person made the initial stance, and the second and third followed.

We are still left with hard questions and facing an uneasy process. Do you pursue justice-no matter the cost? Do you take legal action against staff who were negligent, broke laws, and emotionally distressed your child? A few years ago my answer would have been "YES! to the fullest extent of the law-crush them!" Now I have an emotionally fragile child that would have to undergo testing, and testify...a family desperate to "just move forward" from the wake of destruction from Vivace's trauma... Yet, I also have a responsibility to the other children served in this location-don't I? I have taken some local means to pursue these issues within the educational system, I have met with and discussed the overall picture of the events with a criminal investigator, the process and what would be admissible or not, what would be asked of our family and of Etude to move forward. Our primary goal was to remove Etude to a safe, educational environment and we are almost there. At that time, we can weigh it all out as a family and decide what to do...to take it fully through NCIS or other means. I do know that I have FULLY warned the staff up the Administrative chain of command of the actions we feel are concrete, the ones we feel are very possible but not concrete and the dangers we feel exist. Including pictures Etude has drawn of some of the events. Their responses (in general) were appalling. They are enough reason alone to make you want to "just homeschool" your child, even if you didn't feel called to do it or enjoy it.

Etude is having a hard time, not because he left one school , but more so because he isn't in another school yet. We are working hard with his old school and his new school and hope to have him fully enrolled and attending within 2 weeks. Etude struggles with how to miss Africa and all that encompasses for him, and how to be happy here. Being in the home all day, homeschooled, loved on by his siblings, asked to participate with us as a family-is extremely hard for him and kids like him. He shows days of really retaining material we have endlessly exposed him to for the last 3 years and days where no connection can be made. He is a puzzle even to the best of educators. What is a developmental disability and what is a behavior? What is a cultural issue and what is him playing the helpless role to avoid a task?  Truly, we may never know the answer to these questions, we just have to aim high and keep pressing towards the mark.